Package
by Business of Misery
Summary: Felicity knew their relationship was doomed. It had its strains that made it impossible, but she couldn't give up on him even if she tried. She would sit by his side, take the pain and dish it out, waiting for the chance to make it right. Murphy/OC.
1. Forgiveness

Murphy kept his arms wrapped tight around the package in his arms. That's exactly what she was- a slender, tightly wrapped package. Or at least, that's how she felt-weighed down with guilt, tied together with pathetic strings being the only thing keeping her guts from spilling out.

He slept soundly, peacefully and undisturbed. Felicity felt the warm skin of his chest against her bare back, his steady breathing southing her nerves like a lullaby. Normally, the girl adored being entangled in his bed, wrapped up in his limbs and the sheets, her face buried into the crook of his neck, or in reverse, his lips gracing the fair skin on her neck. They would lie for hours on end, whispering sweet nothings to one another, listening to the sound of one another's heart race.

Today was different. The sun burst in through the wide windows, but Murphy was oblivious to its call. Felicity could feel the circles under her eyes begin to form, not having slept in days. She kept her eyes trained on the body under the blankets of the other mattress; Connor looked back at her, though he used his blanket to shield the sun.

The two stared at one another in the most intense contest known to man. Felicity pressed tears back in her head, not wanting to move or waken Murphy from his slumber. Connor showed signs of neither anger nor sadness as he sat up slowly. Felicity watched him move, pushing the blanket back and sitting in his boxers. He kept his eyes on her, unblinking.

Felicity moved slowly, carefully. She moved Murphy's arm from her waist and clambered out of the bed with a thin sheet wrapped around her naked body, remembering the haze of the previous night.

* * *

Murphy kissed his way up her body, undressing her as he did. They were alone for the first time in weeks, having left the bar early. She lay back on the mattress, feeling total euphoria before he took her- straight to the moon and amongst the stars.

He'd rolled over, buried his face in the back of her neck. They whispered sweet nothings, though it seemed like shouting as the words echoed off of the concrete walls of the MacManus apartment. Murphy had fallen asleep and left Felicity, tearful and awake, when Connor came in through the door.

He stopped, frowning. He could see her bare shoulders and collarbone peeking out from the sheet, but said nothing. He simply sat on his bed, removing his boots and shirt. Felicity kept her eyes closed while he did so, pretending to be asleep, though Connor was not easily fooled.

"We gonna talk 'bout this?" He spoke in hushed tones, eyeing his brother's sleeping form, arm gripped possessively around her waist.

Felicity felt tears sting her eyes and she shook her head, mouthing "tomorrow." Connor nodded and lay in his bed before drifting into a sort of daze.

* * *

The girl blinked at the memory, sorting through a pile of clothes. She pulled on her underwear and dropped the sheet, her back to Connor. He cleared his throat and made an excuse to step out onto the porch and into the morning sun.

Felicity joined him, adorned in the same dirty jeans she had worn the night before and one of Murphy's shirts. Connor offered her a cigarette, forgetting for a moment that she didn't smoke. She took one anyway. She blew smoke into the air and Connor leaned on the balcony railing.

"You know that I love him." Felicity's voice was gentle and loving. Her eyes expressed sorrow as Connor nodded, refusing to look at her.

"Wouldn't argue it." He puffed at his own cigarette. "Was a mistake, lass. You're ma friend." He smiled sadly at the city.

"I don't have…" Felicity started, looking over the edge of the railing, down at the scum filled street below. "I don't want you to stop being my friend. I love you like a brother." Connor looked over at her, a genuine smile on his lips.

"Aye." Connor agreed. Never once, despite her beauty and intelligence, had Connor ever thought of her as anything else. The cold air filled his lungs as he smothered the cigarette, turning towards her while leaning one arm on the railing. "It'd kill 'im, ya know."

Felicity felt the air in her lungs rushing to her brain, giving her an intense headache. Tears prickled her eyes as she nodded. Connor rested a hand on her shoulder.

"He'd still love ya." He nodded confidently.

"I've broken his heart and he doesn't even know it." She breathed. Her eyes closed as she drew from the cigarette. Connor dropped his hand, looking in through the door to where his brother slept.

"I don't like ya like that." He mumbled, not wanting to hurt her feelings. She was his family- no doubt that someday, she would marry his brother. He didn't have any jealous issues with his brother, no competition for the girl. She was Murphy's, and Connor had no desire to take that from him.

"I know. Me either." She smiled. The two shared a chuckle at their own expense, knowing very well that feelings between them simply did not exist.

"What do I do?" Felicity flicked the cigarette over the railing. Connor's expression mimicked her sadness. He didn't know what to say to her. Murphy would be crushed to know, but he could tell by the look in Felicity's eyes that her betrayal was killing her, too. He shook his head at her, not knowing what else there was that he could do.

The door slid open and Felicity walked through, Connor right behind her. She sat down on the mattress and Connor pulled on the rest of his clothes. Her soft hands found her way to Murphy's arm, tracing contours up to his shoulder. A sad smile graced her lips as her hand softly landed on his cheek.

Murphy stirred in his sleep, opening his eyes. His vision was blurred, but his hand reached up and rubbed the sleep away. He opened the blue spheres again and was met with another set of eyes just as striking as his own. He smiled, seeing Felicity's face, and reached up to touch it. She bent down, kissing his lips. His hands found their way to her waist, pulling her on top of him. He heard Connor pretending to gag on the other side of the room, but simply smiled into the kiss.

Felicity laughed and put her arms out, pushing herself up. She hovered over Murphy, looking into his tired eyes.

"Mornin', love." His words were slurred, tired. Felicity kissed the tip of his nose and he reached up, tangling one hand in her long hair. He brought her mouth down to his, pulling the air from her lungs and into his. She drew back, sitting up. He followed the motion.

"I've got to work." She spoke sadly, running her hand down his face. He reached up, resting his hand over the top of hers. She stood up, kissing his cheek as she moved. He watched her long legs as she stepped over some clothing. He stood up and followed her on her way to the door. It opened and his arm jutted out, taking her by the waist. She spun around and put her hands on his chest.

Murphy looked at Felicity, eyes searching her face. He had never seen a more beautiful woman than her, of that he knew. He also knew that he was absolutely, completely in love with her.

He loved her laughter, her smile and her wide, green eyes and the tiny flecks of gold within them. He loved her long, auburn colored hair and the smell of her shampoo. He loved her jokes and the way she flirted with him; he loved how she was afraid of the dark, was fascinated by spiders, jumped at loud noises, the way she kept her pencils tucked behind her ear. She was perfect in every way.

He closed the door behind her, the goofiest of grins on his face. Connor rolled his eyes, waiting for his brother to get dressed.

* * *

"Today." Murphy said, looking forward as he walked down the street. The two men on his left turned towards him.

"What's today that wasn't yesterday?" Rocco peered at the younger twin over the top of his sunglasses. Connor said nothing, but looked at his brother. At first, Murphy did not answer as they rounded a corner. The tails of their coats swept behind them as they walked in a perfect line.

"I'mma ask her." He said finally as the three of them slowed down outside the house. Rocco continued looking on in confusion, but Connor felt something twist in his gut. Murphy groaned at Rocco's ignorance. "Felicity. I'mma ask her… Ya know, ta marry me." A grin spread on his face.

"That's great!" Rocco started to laugh, clamping his hand down on Murphy's shoulder. His enthusiasm spread onto Murphy as the two men shared banter over the matter. Connor smiled, but the feeling in his stomach kept his focus on other places.

He felt sadness creep into his heart. Felicity was carrying a package, weighing down their relationship. She loved Murphy, but the pain of her own actions killed her badly enough- would she say yes? If Murphy knew, would he still want her to marry him? Does she even want to? Connor swallowed the stone in his throat as he followed the other two men inside Rocco's abode.

His heart was heavy as he thought about the heartbreak his brother could suffer. He didn't know that Murphy would ever find out at all- Felicity might carry it to her grave. But Connor knew better than that. Felicity was depressed, crying when Murphy was not by her side, putting on a front to make him believe that everything was okay. She could not hold on forever, and eventually she would crack.

Connor sat down next to the two men at the table, Rocco making jokes about Felicity and Murphy, teasing him about his nervousness to ask his girlfriend such a dire question.

"Connor?" Murphy looked at his brother. Connor looked back at him and could see immediately that something was not right. Murphy's face was pained, as though arguing with himself. "Think she'll say yes?" He nearly whispered and Connor found that the expression came from his nerves and uncertainty.

The older brother already felt uncertain. Felicity loved him dearly and without a doubt, under different circumstances, she would rush into his arms and scream yes a thousand times over. Had that outcome been changed now?

Connor nodded at his brother, the corners of his mouth pulling desperately into a smile. Murphy seemed to relax and he hit Rocco on the back of the head in retort to a joke that Connor had not heard.

* * *

Felicity put her head in her hands, leaning on her desk. She stuck the pencil behind her ear and sighed, staring blankly at the page before her. It was neatly typed, but pencil marks made it look like a child's drawing. Her eyes closed and she fought back the urge to rip the paper up and walk out of the office. She lifted her head to the clock and found that she had only ten minutes before she could go home.

She sat back in her chair, eyes roaming her desk. The computer was turned off, as per usual, with the keyboard and mouse shoved to the back of her desk, making room for the pages that littered the rest of the surface. A small wire basket held her pencils, highlighters, and pens; next to it was a shorter basket of paper clips. Her eyes landed on the photo frame that had been set down on its face. Her heart wrenched and she lifted it up.

The faces in the photo looked back at her with wide grins. Her own face was there, smiling happily while flashing the peace sign with one hand. Murphy was next to her, one arm around her waist and smiling at the camera. On the other side was Connor, an arm around her shoulders in a friendly fashion. She set the photo down, upright and swiveled around in her chair. The alarm clock she kept on her desk beeped and she slammed her hand down on it and quickly shoved her things into her purse, anxious to get out as quickly as possible.

The door to Felicity's apartment was very creaky when it opened. The fluorescent tube lights blinded her and she took a moment to get used to the change before she shut the door and dropped her purse by it, sliding out of her jacket all in one swift motion. She made her way into the kitchen and looked through the cupboards, but found that she was not hungry after all.

Feeling defeated, she dropped onto the couch, facing the cubic television. She stared at it blankly as though she were watching a very interesting movie, but the screen remained black and she made no move to turn it on. Her body slumped in the spot, sinking into the cushions.

Tears finally fell freely down her cheeks, dripping off of her chin. She leaned forward, hands gripping the sides of her head. She yelled out, choking on the deep sobs before her well finally ran dry.

Felicity pushed herself off of the couch, wiping her face with the back of her hand. The clock told her it was time to meet Murphy, Connor and Rocco at McGinty's. She slowly pulled herself together and changed clothes, hoping that she would look normal by the time she arrived.

* * *

Murphy sipped the whisky, glancing at the door every few seconds. It didn't go unnoticed by Rocco, who kept teasing him. Connor remained quiet, looking grave. Murphy looked at his brother in confusion.

He had been acting strange that day. He was more quiet and reserved than he had ever been and Murphy wondered if it had anything to do with his soon-proposal. A grin split his face as he approached the older MacManus.

"Been awful quiet t'night." Murphy offered his glass to Connor, who took it with reluctance. "Jealous a' the idea you have to share me with such a lovely lady?" Connor grinned at his brother's joke, despite the worried feeling that continued to grow in his stomach. He felt like he was going to burst by the time the door opened and he saw Felicity standing very awkwardly.

The look in her eye showed Connor everything he needed to know. He swallowed hard when she nodded once at him and he felt his stomach wanting to overturn. Connor looked up at Murphy. He was innocent and totally unaware of what was going to happen to him when he turned around. Guilt shook Connor and he had to look away from his brother's face when she called out his name.

Murphy turned around with a wide grin on his face. He nearly ran over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Felicity smiled up at him, but there was something else there that he couldn't quite place.

"Take a walk with me?" Her voice was low and her eyes were darting across his face. Murphy's brows furrowed and he nodded, leading her out the door. He caught sight of Connor watching them before the door closed.

"Somethin' on yer mind?" He questioned her. She walked slowly, as though trying to make it last. Not that he minded- walks with her were always pleasant, full of sweet kisses and hand-holding. She didn't say anything as she stopped walking at the end of the street. He pulled her towards a bench and they sat.

Murphy kept one arm around her shoulders, pulling her in to shield her from the bitter cold. She would not look at him, which put him on edge. He chewed on the skin of his thumb, waiting. His heart began to thump in his chest, threatening to break loose at any moment.

"Murphy," His name was like glass in her throat. It was a fragile, beautiful sound. Felicity could only think of how it stung. "I love you. You know that?" She finally looked up at him and he nodded, kissing the corner of her mouth. She made no movement to kiss him back and he felt nerves crawling inside his chest, swelling up into his brain. He felt suddenly very panicked.

"Ya know I love you." He said back, much less forceful than he meant it to be. She bit her lower lip and he saw tears form in the lining of the tissue. His breath was wrenched from him at the sight. "What's this 'bout?" He hadn't meant to actually ask aloud- he didn't even want to know. Whatever it was, there was nothing good to come of it.

"I-" She started, the tears making their way down her face. He lifted a hand, caressing her jaw and wiping the tears off with his thumb. Her eyes closed and her lips quivered, unable to continue speaking. Murphy dropped his hand and held her tightly against his chest.

The sound of his heartbeat echoed in her ear drums and Felicity wondered if she would ever hear it again. She slowly pulled up from him and did not look at him. Her hands clenched into fists, fighting the desire to just run away.

"I can't stay with you." She blurted. Anguish immediately filled Murphy and he gripped onto her arm even tighter, if possible. She didn't try to pull away, but her eyes were lost to him, focused entirely on something else.

"What the 'ell you talkin' 'bout?" He shot at her, not really meaning to sound so angry. She didn't retaliate, knowing all too well how the MacManus temper worked.

"I cheated on you." Her words cut right into him and he drew his arm back, shaking his head. The disbelief washed over him and his own tears threatened him. Without thinking, he jumped to his feet and backed away from her.

She made no moves to go after him. He stood, looking down at Felicity- his girl, his perfect, sweet girl. He was at loss for words, not believing for a moment that her words were true. He stood there like an idiot, mouth agape and shaking his head. She finally looked up at him, getting to her feet.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, Murphy." She was crying again, trying not to look him in the eye. She didn't deserve his sympathy. "We were drunk and it just… It just happened." She spoke quickly. She knew that he didn't want to hear her words. All that mattered was that she had broken the trust, broken their relationship. "And I am so… So sorry." She didn't move, looking down at the ground.

Murphy stared at her, the words soaking in. All feeling had suddenly become numb to him as he watched her turn away from him. Impulsively, he reached out and grabbed her arm. She looked back at him and he pulled her close, searching her eyes for something, anything, worth holding onto.

"Who?" The word was dry, caught somewhere between a whisper and his imagination. She looked away from him, biting her lower lip. "Who was it?" He tried again, louder. She slowly slipped from his grip, shaking her head. Her reluctance to answer immediately told him all he needed to hear. He grabbed at her a second time, pulling her head into his chest.

She broke down, weeping into his chest and apologizing over and over. He kissed the top of her head and cast a look back towards the bar. The soft light of the inside drifted out of the windows onto the sidewalk and he could hear laughter erupt inside. He wondered to himself if Connor was laughing, but decided that No, he probably was not.

Felicity shook in his arms and he drew back slightly, wiping the tears from her face again. He kissed the tip of her nose and she shook with her mouth agape. He could feel her heart pounding, pulsing through her entire body. He leaned down, kissing her lips very softly. Murphy drew back from her, searching Felicity's anguished eyes.

"I forgive you." He pulled her against him again, tears sliding down his cheeks and closing his eyes.

It would take weeks, months, for the pain in his heart to heal. He knew that he would never forget it and he would be consumed with the pain every time he saw them side by side. Deep down he knew it had been a mistake, something that he also knew would never happen again. He felt guilty that he had not been there to stop it. Murphy was not angry with either of them, but instead felt only sorrow. Yes, it would take time, maybe forever, before he was whole again.

But at that moment, the only thing that matters was that Felicity was in his arms, the two of them alone on the sidewalk, the sounds of laughter floating through the air, her heart pounding to the rhythm of his own.


	2. Mistake

_Murphy laughed,his arm wrapped around Felicity's waist. She had that grin on her face- the one she got when she was incredibly drunk and didn't have any care in the world. From across the bar, she saw the burly man who was eying her._

_The Irishman took notice very quickly and made to move over to the man, but the frail woman grabbed onto Murphy's coat sleeve before he could make it very far. He turned his attention back to Felicity, who planted a firm, half-drunken kiss on his mouth. The burly man was forgotten and Murphy, in his own drunken stupor, wrapped his arms around her shoulders. _

_His tongue made its way roughly into her mouth, not that she minded. Felicity's own hands traveled Murphy's back, but soon the couple found themselves wrenched apart by two pairs of hands._

"_Ah, c'mon!" Murphy shrugged his brother off of him. Connor merely grinned at Murphy, sidestepping his swinging arm. Felicity crossed her arms and pouted her lips at Rocco, who held up his hands in defeat. The four of them sat in a row at the bar, flaming tequila shots in front of them courtesy of Doc._

"_One, two three!" Connor shouted and they downed their drinks. Four shot glasses slammed down on the bar at almost the exact same time. Murphy pointed accusingly at Connor._

"_I's first!" The two brothers proceeded to argue over who'd taken the shot the fastest of the two of them while Rocco and Felicity laughed at their expense. Murphy turned back to Felicity, his arm around her shoulders. His blue eyes twinkled and, despite being drunk, he lay a gentle kiss on her jawbone. She smiled, nuzzling his cheek with her nose. He sat up straight, his attention turned back to the table by the wall._

_Felicity grabbed Murphy's shoulder and spun him around, her eyes boring into him._

"_I told you to quit that. He ain't doing anything." She shook her head in disbelief. Murphy had the temper of a true Irishman, that was certain, and anything could upset him in the blink of an eye. She could see through her crossing vision that he was frowning, glaring at her with those gorgeous eyes._

"_I don' like 'ow he's lookin' at ya." Murphy's tone was bitter as he looked backwards at the man, who was now on his feet and walking towards them. His muscles tensed and Felicity grabbed onto his arm, hoping he wouldn't attack the man. Connor looked at the two, ignoring whatever slurry-speech story Rocco was telling to him and a few other patrons._

_The burly man walked just past them and got a glass of scotch from Doc, sipping at it, taking his time. Murphy swallowed, adrenaline pumping. Felicity frowned up at him, doing her best not to make a scene. Murphy was already doing that himself with the looks he was giving the man._

"_God dammit Murphy!" Felicity blurted. Connor and Rocco looked at one another before turning back towards her, falling silent, watching with anticipation. Murphy stared hard at her. She felt her cheeks grow red- she knew the boys **hated **when she used God's name that way. "Quit being such an asshole." She mumbled, taking a drink of the vodka from Doc and not looking at her partner._

_Murphy shook his head as the burly man made his way past them. In a moment of great inconvenience, the man stumbled a bit over the leg of Felicity's stool. The glass in his hand tipped just a little bit, causing a drop of the alcohol in it to land on her pant leg. _

_The Irishman leaped to his feet, fists balled and ready for a fight. The man profusely apologized to Felicity, but she kept insisting it was fine with a smile. She frowned at Murphy as he stepped towards the man, shouting. Connor and Rocco were on their feet, grabbing Murphy to hold him back at the very moment he lunged at the man._

"_I'm so sorry. He's incredibly drunk and stupid." Felicity apologized and the man nodded in understanding and apologized once more before going back to his table. She turned back to Murphy, anger swimming on her face. She reached up with one hand and smacked his face, stopping all of his movement._

"_Do you have to be such a dick? It was a fucking accident, Murphy." Felicity bit at him. She took the coat off of the back of her stool and the two men let go of Murphy. He did not look at her, but excused himself to the bathroom to get away from the others._

_Felicity pulled her jacket on, turning to Rocco and Connor._

"_I'm going back to the apartment. I'll be asleep when you get home, so try to be quiet." She told them. Rocco nodded, but Connor looked very unconvinced._

"_I'll go with ya, can't have a pretty lass walkin' by herself so late." He pulled his own coat on, thanked Doc, and followed Felicity out into the cold._

"_I swear. Sometimes I think I'mma kill the bastard." Felicity's face turned red, from the anger, the cold or the booze, Connor could not tell. The two walked in near silence to the apartment._

* * *

_They were welcomed by warmth as they stepped off of the elevator onto the fifth floor. The wide expanse of concrete that was their loft was welcoming, despite how very imperfect it was. Felicity dropped onto the bed she shared with Murphy, pulling off her shoes and coat._

_Connor passed the beds and rummaged through a cupboard until he found an unopened bottle of whiskey. Grabbing two glasses, he sat on the floor between their beds. He poured the glasses and offered one to Felicity, which she accepted. _

"_Sometimes it's like he thinks I can't defend myself." Felicity lay down on the cool concrete, preferring it to the heat of the mattress. Connor sat beside her, arms wrapped around his knees and nodding at her words. _

"_I ain't a little kid, ya know? I can tell a fucker off." She continued on, vision becoming blurred as she drank progressively more and more. Her ranting lasted for what felt like forever as they drank, and drank, and drank._

_Felicity hiccuped, holding her head in her hands. By now tears were streaming down her face and she could not stop her body from shaking._

"_I don't even n-know if, if he... s-s-still l-loves me." She barely spoke between the running tears. Connor put his arm around her shoulders, offering his comfort. He hadn't said much as she talked about his brother, but he was sure she wouldn't want to hear anything he had to say anyways._

"_Don't say tha'. Murphy loves ya. We all love ya." Connor murmured, leaning his head on top of hers as his eyes closed. He could smell her shampoo with every breath. _

_Connor felt Felicity shift in her place, her head buried into his collarbone. She cried harder, if possible, and clung to him. He stroked her back absentmindedly, still greatly distracted by her shampoo and her body heat. He closed his eyes, the blurriness of the world falling into brief darkness. He opened them to find that she was looking up at him. Her eyes were filled with deep sorrow, begging him for answers. Connor shook his head._

_It was at that moment, with her face so close to his, that he first realized how beautiful she was. It was no wonder Murphy loved her- the slender cheeks, painted rosy against the rest of her light skin; the dancing hazel eyes, smooth green with a golden center, blending together so perfectly. He could see his reflection in them. His own blue eyes traveled her face like a map until they landed on her mouth. He could see the tiny lines across them he was so close. Connor swallowed the lump in his throat._

_Felicity seemed to have been studying him, too. Her mouth opened and then closed again and for a moment, she just stared. All thoughts of Murphy and the bar had vanished. In that moment, all rational thought escaped her as she leaned towards him and planted a firm kiss on his mouth. _

_It took several seconds for Connor to register the event. He kissed her back, the large amount of alcohol in his system pushing all rational thought from him. Felicity's hands wound around his shoulders, tugging on his clothing. Connor's arms reached straight up to her hair, trapping his hands in it. _

_Before either of them realized exactly what was happening, Connor leaned forward, knocking them both backwards. He nearly fell over the side of her, but caught himself with his arms. Her hands pulled on the front of his shirt and slipped it over his head. _

_Connor breathed into her neck, hands skimming down the length of her torso before finding the button on her jeans. Felicity pushed the denim over her feet, kicking them away before her own hands found his own buttons. His breath caught in his throat at her touch. _

_Felicity bit down on her lip, closing her eyes, feeling Connor place himself between her legs. He slid forward and her toes curled at the sensation. He moaned in his throat, clawing at the concrete below them._

_Connor rolled off of Felicity, sleep drawing him in. He fought it, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. The alcohol started to wear off as he made his way towards the shower. The man spotted his reflection in the mirror in passing; dark circles formed beneath his eyes and he felt suddenly very sick to his stomach._

_He looked away from the mirror and turned on the water, watching it fall like rain. He stepped in, closing his eyes and trying to wash away the guilt that began to swell in his stomach. He turned the water off and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist. The redhead was nowhere to be found, leaving behind nothing but the smell of lavender shampoo._


	3. Eternity

"_Yer_ the one who _fucked_ my _brother_!"

If the accusing finger were to so much as twitch, it would touch the tip of Felicity's nose. Hot tears formed on her lower lashes, cleansing the makeup that had taken up there. The woman's face was pink from holding her breath and she balled her hands into a fist.

Murphy did not move from his spot. His breathing was fast and he could feel adrenaline pumping through his body the way it felt just before he pulled the trigger of his gun. He was light on his feet, anticipating another move.

"At least I'm not a fucking _murderer_!" Even Felicity was surprised by her words. Murphy froze. Of all the things he was prepared for, this was not it. She had spent the past two months, she had apologized to him every time he looked remotely sad, but now was the worst of times for the opposite reaction. Anger swelled in the pit of his stomach; boiling over more and more the longer he looked at her. His arm dropped to his side.

"I've been apologizing to you all week, Murphy. I can't fucking take it back, I know that. What else can I do?" Felicity put her head in her hands. Murphy turned away from her, grinding his teeth. He slammed his foot into the nearest wall. He ignored the pain that rushed through it and the sound of glass breaking as a photo frame fell onto the concrete floor.

Felicity dropped to her knees, body shaking. She held her face, looking into her palms. Murphy ran a hand through his hair, and took a deep breath. His eyes trailed across the room, swiftly passing by Felicity on her knees and landing on the frame on the ground. He knelt down and picked it up, weary of the broken glass.

The photo was from Saint Patrick's Day two years earlier. Felicity smiled widely at the camera, her hazel eyes filled with laughter. On her left, Murphy had one arm wrapped around her shoulders, squeezing her tightly to his side, kissing her on the cheek. Murphy felt his heart skip a beat, seeing Connor on her right. He was grinning, too, one arm linked with Felicity's. Murphy and Connor donned green sweaters, and Felicity had a shamrock painted on the cheek opposite of Murphy's lips.

The broken glass split across the photo like a firework, blossoming from the top corner by Connor. Murphy sighed and put the photo on the kitchen counter, careful not to touch the broken glass. Felicity had begun to gather herself together, wiping her face with the sleeves of her jacket. Murphy stepped over towards her carefully, over the broken glass and stopped in front of her.

He knelt down, reaching out with one hand to push a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She looked up at him, chewing on her lip. His lungs began to swell with cold air and he reached out with the other arm, drawing her into him. She fell limply against his chest, her breathing slow and uneven.

"I'm so sorry." Felicity wept against his shirt, her hands tightened around the cloth. Murphy glanced down at her shaking form. He could barely make out the tears on her face, her half-closed kaleidoscope eyes glazed over.

Murphy didn't answer her as he set his chin on the top of her head. He closed his eyes, trying to maintain even breaths. Her warm body pressed against his own comforted him, though he knew it would not be easy to get over their most recent fight. Her warmth withdrew as she pulled slightly back, though she stayed within his arms. He kept his grip tight on her elbows, eyes on her quivering lips as she tried to form words.

"You ain't a killer." She mumbled, her eyes darting between each of his. Her heart thundered in her chest and Felicity was sure she was going to throw up. Slowly, she sucked in a shaky breath, desperate to stop the flow of tears. Murphy's hand slid slowly up her arm, over her collar bone and jaw and rested softly on the side of her face. "I shouldn'ta said that, Murphy. I know you mean well…"

"Shhh." Murphy rested his thumb over her lips, still cupping her face in his hand. She closed her eyes, kissing his thumb. He drew her body back against his, curling her into his lap. She pressed the side of her face against his chest and listened to the rhythm of his heart beating.

"I love ye, Felicity." He murmured. Through his words, Felicity could make out faint vibrations in his chest with each syllable. As though being physically torn apart, she felt her insides curl. She looked up at him, studying his face.

His face was still so much like a child's that it hurt. He was innocent in every aspect of the word.

"I love you, too. But…" Her mouth opened and closed several times. Murphy looked down at her and she could read the confusion and pain that was reflected in his crystalline eyes. "I hurt you. Why do you keep me here?" Her voice cracked and she was terrified to discover that, maybe, he did want her to go. Could that still be love?

Murphy squeezed her in his arms as though she would be wrenched away any moment. His eyes flickered away from her face and a moment of panic crossed through Felicity.

"We do impossible things fer the ones we love. The Father's puttin' our love t' the test." Murphy's expression was sincere and Felicity could not ignore the fire that ignited within his eyes. "I love ye, and I believe God's testin' that love." For a moment, she was speechless to his response.

"Can you be so sure?" A stone wedged itself in her throat. She didn't want to question Murphy's faith, but she wasn't sure which side to take either. Was it a test, or was it a sign that they weren't meant to be? Felicity looked down into her lap. Murphy, however, leaned down towards her and placed his lips over hers. He lingered there for a long moment before withdrawing slowly.

"I jus' know. I can feel it," He took her hand in his and placed it on his chest. "In me heart." Felicity felt a smile grow on her face and she took her hand back from him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He grabbed her legs, standing. Her legs hung off to one side, bridal style. He kissed her lips once more and walked with her to the couch. He set her down beside him and fidgeted with his fingers.

"Murphy?" Her question was near silent, worry spreading across her face as the grin faded. He scratched the back of his head nervously. Felicity touched the side of his face, feeling the curves of his jaw.

"Felicity, I need ye t' hear what I got t' say." He spoke suddenly, moving his hands to the sides of her shoulders. She nodded slowly, brows furrowed.

"When I met ye, I was sure I'd hate yer guts. And we ended up bein' friends 'n then somewhere in between then 'n now, I fell in love with ye. And ye need t' know that I'll always love ye, even with everything that's happened. When ye told me what ye did, I felt me heart breakin'. It could take forever before I feel whole again. But I can't do it without ye by my side. I don't want t' even try." He studied her eyes. She blinked away several tears as he spoke.

"I don't want t' go a single day without ye. I want ye by my side when me Da dies- don' look at me like that, he's getting' old- I want ye t' hold my hand when the boys are puttin' an iron on my wounds. I want ta wake up every mornin' and see ye next ta me." Murphy searched her face for evidence that she would withdraw, run away and never come back to him. With every word he became only more and more fearful.

"What's this about Murphy?" Her voice was barely a whisper as she spoke. Murphy's hands trailed down to hers and he clasped them tightly in his own.

"I want ye…" He sighed, unsure of what to say. "I mean, will ye…" He licked his lips, eyes on her hands. His thumb traced over the smooth, pale flesh of her skin.

"Murphy?" She questioned again, shaking her head slowly. Murphy sighed once more, licking his lips.

"I want ye ta marry me, Felicity."

Hazel eyes grew wide in a matter of seconds. With nothing to shield them, the tears fell from the corner of her eyes, dripping from her chin. She froze, unable to move from her spot next to Murphy. Her lack of verbal reaction frightened Murphy, who began to move away from her. Felicity's hand snapped out, fingers curling around his arm. He sat back down on the couch and she jumped into his lap, her lips firmly planted on his, legs on either side of his waist and hands latched around his neck.

Murphy's arms wrapped tightly around her waist, pulling her warm body close against his. He buried his nose in her ginger hair as soon as she pulled her lips from his, the smell of his shampoo welcoming him. Her arms tightened around him and both of them closed their eyes, frozen with their bodies melded together.

"Is that a yes?" He laughed, taking in the brilliant moment. She laughed too, both of their bodies shaking. She nodded furiously.

"I would love to be your wife, Murphy."


	4. Whiskey

Felicity couldn't feel her hands. They were frozen and numb, the bones creaking as her fingers worked the zipper of her jacket. She shuddered against the pain that shot through the tip of her nose and adjusted her hat, yanking the sides down over her ears. She let out a windy breath, a puff of cold air accompanying it.

The sidewalk was bare this early, not that she minded. It was days like these when she wanted nothing more than to be outside. Her apartment was lonely and the boys were not an option. She tried not to wonder who was getting the short end of the stick- or barrel, really- today.

She walked with her hands stuffed into her pockets, head down as her boots clanked against the rough concrete under her. She paused appropriately at intersections, bouncing on her toes in desperation to keep her body warm until she could continue to walk again. Felicity cursed at herself for not thinking to grab gloves, but when she awoke much earlier than usual and found that Murphy was already gone from his place next to her- the sheets still warm from his parting- she hadn't taken enough time to so much as make herself a cup of coffee.

The light turned to the little white man in mid stride and Felicity mimicked him and crossed. Her body carried her mechanically and before she knew it, she found herself standing outside of a small diner. She hesitated for a moment before pushing the door open and stepping inside. Warm air rushed to greet her as the bell above the door chimed. No one heard it over the sound of the television and laughter. Felicity waved away a cloud of smoke and made her way towards the bar. She sat down and the bar tender gave her a short nod.

A group of men to Felicity's left roared at the football game on the television, some cheering and others booing. The bartender shook his head and put a glass of Coke down in front of the redhead. She looked around and found that other than the men at the bar, the diner was relatively empty.

"You're early, sweetheart." The man behind the bar leaned forward on his elbows and flashed Felicity a lopsided smile. She couldn't help but laugh as she took a drink from her glass, looking sideways at the men.

"Hey, Ben. Home's lonely today." It was Ben's turn to laugh.

"Going out for lunch alone is much less lonely." They shared another laugh and Ben set up an order for Felicity to eat. She ate her food quickly, carrying on lighthearted conversation with Ben as she did.

"I heard you were getting married." At his words, Felicity nearly choked on her food. She set the fork down and wiped her mouth. Her eyes fell down to her lap and she shifted uncomfortably. "Who's the lucky bastard?"

"Murph. But.." She looked sadly into the cup in her hand before setting it down on the table. "I just don't know if I can do it. I love him- really. I do."

Ben stared quizzically at Felicity. Her and Murphy MacManus had been together as long as anyone could remember, why the sudden reluctance?

"I did something and it broke his heart." She swallowed hard, not looking at her friend. Ben didn't answer, but patiently waited as he leaned forward over the bar, interest buried in his eyes. "He deserves better. And…" She paused. Ben didn't know that Murphy and his brother were the Saints and he didn't need to know. How could she make him understand?

"He lives a dangerous lifestyle. I don't know if I can handle that." Felicity looked up finally at Ben. His eyes were hard as he studied her, thoughts churning in his head. He nodded slowly and sighed, standing up fully.

"I know the MacManus brothers." He started. Ben turned and grabbed a cloth on a shelf and used it to wipe down the bar. "And I know Murphy. He's the wild type and you cant expect him to ever really _settle down._ I mean, he's always going to be Murphy." Felicity nodded with a small smirk. He _was _a wild child, of that she had no doubt. Ben had no idea just how wild he really was.

"He does love you." Ben added, his dark eyes searching Felicity's.

"He does." She agreed, leaning on one elbow with the side of her jaw cupped in her hand. She watched Ben's hand move side to side as he cleaned water stains from the countertop. "And I love him. I'd never ask him to change." Felicity's heart dropped.

Murphy was a Saint. Murphy would always be a Saint. She could not change that, and even if she wanted to she couldn't ask that of him. Being a Saint was in his blood just as much as being a MacManus was.

He would always be a Saint. He would always be a MacManus. He would always be Murphy. He would _always _love her.

"Then don't." Ben shrugged. Felicity scoffed at how easy he made it seem. "Whatever you did to hurt him, he'll forgive you. Murphy's just that kind of guy." Felicity nodded. The guilt had been raddling her, even though Murphy said he forgave her. She wasn't so sure he did yet, but someday, she knew he would.

"Listen." Ben paused his ministrations to lean back over the counter. He was so close to Felicity, she could see the different colors etched into the irises of his eyes. "If you marry him, don't expect it to be easy. It's not going to be.

"It's going to be really hard. You'll both get hurt, you'll fight; he'll tell you when you're being a bitch and you'll call him a cock-smoker. He'll throw somethin' against the wall and you'll pour beer on his head." Ben paused, eyes darting between hers as if to make sure she was listening. "There'll be nights you sit up cryin' and days he can't get his thought straight.

"But there's gotta be somethin' worth all that. Try this." Ben held up a hand and covered Felicity's eyes. "What's your life look like ten years from now? Twenty years? If it's with Murphy, go home and wait for him to walk in the door. If not…" He removed his hand, gesturing to the extensive amount of liquor behind him. "Drink 'til you can't feel your toes."

Felicity stared for a long moment at Ben. Heat climbed into her cheeks as she processed Ben's words, her eyes swelling with tears. With a bitter, burning swallow, she finished the glass of whiskey. A frown appeared on Ben's face as he turned away from her to grab another bottle.

Ben turned back to the counter to pour more whiskey into Felicity's bottle, but she had disappeared, the door still fluttering shut behind her.


	5. Kin

Smoke hovered in the air, thick as fog in the tiny confines of Murphy's favorite place in Boston. The air was thick; only the most proficient of lungs could take in the oxygen that lingered in between the clouds. Doc chatted up with regular patrons, stuttering and occasionally bursting out with his usual call of 'Fuck Ass!' which, of course, stirred up quite a laughter from the men at the other end of the bar. Doc kept the lights dim, the slight yellow beams shining through the fog.

Normally, visits to McGinty's were filled with laughter, the twins bellowing in their own fits, Rocco's jokes and slaps on the back, and Doc's stuttering stories. The bar would be filled with their chaotic laughter, the three men absorbed in their own cheer. Felicity would join them most nights. Murphy could see her now- the heels of her boots clanking against the hard floor, announcing her arrival. She would put her hands over Murphy's eyes and kiss the lobe of his ear. He would break out into a wide grin and say "the Tooth Fairy" or "Madonna." He could see the tight jeans, hugging her waist and thighs; she always wore a red, zip up hoodie that she had stolen from Murphy many years ago. His smell had clung to it, so she claimed, and she refused to give it back to him, not that he much minded.

Tonight, however, Murphy was alone. He sat at the opposite end of the bar from Doc and the regulars, a cigarette in one hand as he contributed to the hazy cloud around him. His sleeves pushed up to his elbows and he leaned on one elbow, facing away from the crowd of people that filled the room. He sighed, tapping the cigarette on the edge of the ash tray.

The bar had a million memories in Murphy's mind, playing over and over like old home videos. He closed his brilliant blue eyes, head in the palm of his hand. He could hear Felicity's laughter echo against the inside of his skull and a small smile graced his lips. Her laughter was contagious and gave him goose bumps. He could feel the skin on his exposed arms burn with intense heat and opened his eyes as a hand clasped on his shoulder. He turned his head to the side and watched Connor fill in the empty space next to him. The space he had been occupying his entire life.

Connor didn't say anything to Murphy. He lit a cigarette and leaned forward on the bar, mimicking his twin's movements. Of course he was- they always mirrored one another. It was in their blood. Murphy sniffed once and stole glances at Connor every few passing seconds.

Murphy loved Connor. They were the closest anyone could ever be in a platonic way. He knew, without a doubt, that his brother would take a bullet for him. He would do the same, no questions asked. Regardless of how cliché it sounded it was not unrealistic with the way the boys had been living. It was unquestionable how easily one of them would give up something, anything, for the other. As his twin sat by his side, smoking and sharing silence, Murphy couldnt help but wonder to himself if he actually had forgiven Connor.

He liked to think it would be easy- to say "What's done is done." Or to smile and nod when someone asked if he was okay. Truth was, Murphy didn't really know if he could do it. He had trusted Connor, still trusted him, with his life. He had trusted them to be alone- never had a reason not to. Connor wasn't really into Felicity, not in a romantic way. Sure, he flirted with her just enough to get a rouse out of Murphy, but that was the way he was and Murphy had certainly done it back whenever Connor had a girl on his arm. But he had always known that Connor saw her as more of a sisterly figure than anything; maybe that was what made Murphy's stomach churn with sickness.

Murphy knew that someday, even if it took years, he would trust her again. Hell, he trusted her now. She was at home, that much he knew, having walked her there mere hours ago. She was probably curled up on the couch in her favorite blue pajama pants and one of Murphy's shirts, cuddling with her ginger cat and watching a musical, singing along with every song. He smiled at the thought. He hated musicals, but it was entertaining to watch _her_ watching them.

From his side, he saw Connor shift uncomfortably in his seat and look hard at his twin. It was unusual for Connor to be so quiet, but the past week had been hard on Murphy and he knew Connor could feel it too. Of course he did.

Murphy didn't look at his brother for a moment. He churned his thoughts around in his head, trying to suppress unwanted images of the man next to him and the woman in blue pajama pants intertwined in their drunken state. He closed his eyes, trying to think of something to make the sickness in his stomach go away.

He knew he would forgive the girl. Her big eyes and the smile he was starting to miss begged him to. Murphy licked his lips, knowing that it wasn't going to be easy. He was marrying her- it was enough to know that he still loved her. He always would- even if she had slept with Connor and Rocco and everybody in South Boston. He would still have loved her.

Murphy had spent days thinking about it. He'd watched couples in diners, bars, parks, on the sidewalks, trying to imagine himself and Felicity that way. He spent so much time contemplating, trying to figure out if she was worth trying for. Of course she was. He loved her.

And so was Connor. Connor was worth trying for. Murphy hadn't second guessed that. He couldn't hold out a grudge on his twin no matter how badly he wanted to. They'd had fights about it, sure. Connor didn't try too hard to defend himself neither verbally nor physically. Connor knew that he'd fucked up and didn't try to hide it. He never tried to defend his actions, but he did tell Murphy a few times that he couldn't take it back. There was a lot of apologies and a few black eyes. It never made Murphy feel any better. He went to bed sobbing, unable to look at Connor or give Felicity a call when he meant to.

Things had been broken. Of that, Murphy was completely certain. Things would never be the same and that hurt more than anything. He couldn't look at his brother and Felicity when they were next to one another. They would laugh, watch movies, drink- not without Murphy- but no matter how many laughs they shared, he couldn't suppress what he knew.

Murphy took a long drag from his cigarette at the same moment as Connor. Of course he did. He finally snuffed his out and turned his head to look at his twin. Connor's face made Murphy's heart drop. He was solemn, eyes focused across from him and the corners of his mouth twitching down. Murphy had never seen Connor look so sad in his life. Never for a moment did Connor let anything get him so down. But Murphy knew things were changing. They'd never be the same.

Connor had been down all week. The last fight they had was then and had ended with Murphy breaking a mirror with his hand and Connor's nose bleeding. Murphy had stormed away, preferring the cold outside to the stuffiness and sudden loneliness of the apartment.

"Conn." Murphy spoke finally. His twin looked over at him as Murphy got to his feet. He put on his jacket and silently, Connor followed his movements. The two walked outside the bar, falling into step next to one another. Left foot, right foot. Hands in pockets, same posture. Looking at the same spot ahead of them. Of course they were.

Murphy wanted things to mend. He wanted to trust Connor and Felicity. Hell, he already did. Despite the broken heart, despite the anger that flowed through him, he knew that with only a bit of time, he would trust them.

In a matter of minutes, Connor and Murphy were making jokes and acting like children as they walked back to the flat. For a moment, Murphy completely forgot the pain, the broken piece of him burying itself for later. He could handle that. In the moment, he was happy. He had his brother and he had Felicity. It was all he could really ask for. He didn't think about tomorrow or the nightmares he might have that night. He could deal with them when they came. For now, he was happy. Connor was by his side. Of course he was.


	6. Revelation: Part I

Felicity didn't sleep much anymore. Not that she could do much about it. Murphy and Connor didn't visit as much as they used to and their absence set her on edge now more than anything. She spent her nights sitting up on the couch, watching old reruns of television shows from the fifties until her eyes were sore. Tonight was one of those nights. She held a cold cup of coffee in her hands, her feet curled underneath her. Felicity didn't much feel like laughing at the Andy Griffith show tonight and her slightly damp face was proof.

She glanced at the clock on the stove and bit down on her lip. It was entirely too late, knowing that she had to be awake for work in less than three hours. _Fuck it. _She set the cup down on the table next to the couch and pulled on Murphy's red jacket. It still smelled like him despite him not actually having worn it himself in years. It was too big for her, the sleeves covering her small hands so that just her fingertips poked out,but she liked it that way. It was like being wrapped in him, which offered her the slightest comfort when he was away. She stepped out into the cold night air, a cigarette in her fingers. The streets were bare, streetlights changing colors every few minutes. She watched them, counting the seconds between each color.

It was hard to believe that six months ago, things had been so different. Felicity would spend her nights at McGinty's, arms thrown happily around Murphy or receiving piggy back rides down the sidewalk on Connor's back. She made jokes with the brothers and with Rocco. She thanked him in the back of her mind, for without him she would not have met the darling brothers. A smile crept onto her face as she blew a puff of smoke through her nostrils, thinking herself much like a fire breathing dragon.

_Felicity snarled in disgust at Rocco's manners. He was entirely man, incapable of slowing down his eating. He scooped the spaghetti up with the spoon, twirled the fork in it, and brought it to his mouth. The red headed woman was surprised that he could manage to eat his food like a real Italian and still manage to make such a mess, leaving bits of sauce speckled in his facial hair. _

"_Really?" She sat forward in her chair, twirling a piece of hair between her index finger and thumb. Rocco grinned at her through a full mouth and she took a drink from her cup. Rocco slurped another bite of spaghetti and set his utensils down long enough to wipe his face under her gaze. She smiled triumphantly as Rocco checked his watch._

"_Boys are s'possed to be here soon. They're a bit," Rocco paused, gesturing with his hands, trying to find a word to describe the MacManus brothers._

"_Sexy?" A voice beside the table answered. Felicity turned and saw two men, who she knew were twins, the same height and in identical jackets, standing with smirks on their faces. _

"_I was thinkin' crazy." Rocco mumbled, scooting over. One of the twins slid into the spot next to him and Felicity mimicked the gesture as the other one sat next to her. He extended a hand to her, which she took._

"_It's lovely to meet you." Mischief lit up in his eyes and Felicity couldn't help but smile. "I'm Connor MacManus," He gestured across himself to the other twin. "This here's Murphy."_

"_Let me guess," Murphy pointed at her and she squirmed in her seat. "You must be that girl Rocco told us about. The one with the big-"_

"_Okay!" Rocco interjected quickly. The twins shared a laugh and Felicity blushed. "Her name's Felicity."_

"_Taylor." She chided, eyes flickering between the two men. "Felicity Taylor."_

Felicity padded down the sidewalk, the cool air drawing her breath from her and dissipating into a thick vapor. She clung to the jacket, having refused a heavier coat in exchange for the comfort. The sun had just drifted up over the horizon, spraying a conundrum of oranges and pinks across South Boston. Her skin glowed with the hint of light, her legs exposed from denim shorts despite the cold air.

She hesitated when she reached Rocco's door. It was seven in the morning and she highly doubted anyone would be awake. She hated the idea of waking them up, but she hated that she hadn't seen them in so long even more. Her fist rapped on the door and she found herself incredibly lonely on the doorstep. After a long minute, she finally heard the sound of the locks being turned. It opened with a creek and she found a yawning Rocco on the other side. He squinted at her for a moment.

"The hell you doin' up so early?" His voice was hazy and he let her in from the cold. She shuddered at the sudden temperature change and looked around. Connor was asleep on the couch, a thick blanket over him with one hand over the side, drooping onto the floor.

"Where's Murphy?" Felicity turned to Rocco. She noticed for the first time that his hand was wrapped in a bandage and became queazy. "What happened to your hand?"

Rocco looked very suddenly nervous and Felicity turned back to the couch, pulling the blanket off of Connor. She spotted the bandage around his thigh and her eyes grew and she found it was not possible to breath. She spun back to Rocco, body shaking.

"Rocco," She spoke slowly, her fingers wrapping around the cuffs of Murphy's sleeves. "Where is Murphy?" Rocco's face was solemn and he opened his mouth, but words didn't come out. Felicity felt like she was going to throw up and dropped to the ground, unable to maintain balance. Her feet curled under her and she shook with tears.

The bathroom door opened and Felicity looked up immediately to find Murphy standing in the doorway. He was dressed in jeans with no shirt and bare feet, a wrap identical to Rocco's and Connor's around his arm. Stumbling, she scrambled to her feet and threw her body into his.

Murphy wrapped his arms around her small frame, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Ye act like ye haven't seen me in years." A light laugh filled his voice and his eyes sparkled when she looked up at him. Her hand came down hard, open palm, in the center of his chest. He let out a small hiss at the impact.

"Maybe it's because you haven't, you jerk!" She was yelling. Connor startled on the couch, nearly falling off of it. He sat up, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands.

"Wha's all the yellin' about?" He mumbled. Murphy looked from his brother down to the redheaded woman. He could read the pain in her eyes and he squeezed her.

"What happened to you?" She was whispering, fingers running ever so lightly over the cotton of his bandage. If it were anyone else touching his wound, Murphy may have recoiled in pain. He shot a look to Rocco and Connor, who offered no help.

"We got shot at." He avoided her heated gaze, desperately looking anywhere that wasn't her face. Felicity blinked up at him, unable to process the thought. The worry that had filled her only moments before began to subside, anger replacing it. She wiggled away from him, protesting the feelings that told her to keep her grip on him tight in case he were to slip away.

"I _knew _this was going to happen..." She cast her eyes down at the floor, suppressing the sob that threatened her.

"'s just me arm-" Murphy tried to smile, but it wouldn't come.

"And next time, it's _just _your heart, or your head, or-or..." She trialed off, the tears finally falling. Murphy didn't look at her still, knowing he'd be unable to keep his composure if he did. She knew there was a risk that came with Murphy, it was her choice to stick around, knowing that he could be dead the next day.

"I love you." Murphy grabbed her wrists and pulled her into his chest. Her head rested on his shoulder and she sobbed, both of them ignoring Connor and Rocco. The two men stepped out the front door to smoke, leaving the couple behind.

"You got shot." She mumbled, looking at the spot of blood that soaked through the bandage. "What am I going to do if you get killed?" She looked up at his sparkling blue eyes. Her heart hammered in her chest and she wiped the tears from her face. He pulled her over to the couch and sat beside her, arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"I'm not gonna get killed. Promise ye that." He kissed her temple, but she wasn't reassured.

"Don't you dare make me promises, Murphy MacManus. Don't you dare." She snapped. Murphy frowned at her sudden mood change. Her attempts to wipe the tears away proved useless and Murphy was at a loss of what to say. "I have been sitting in my apartment for _days._ No visits, no phone calls, no "I'm still alive, sorry for worrying you"s. Nothing. You could have gotten killed, Murphy." Felicity got to her feet and stormed out the front door, leaving a bewildered Murphy behind.

Felicity stormed past Connor and Rocco, the two men watching her as she stormed down the sidewalk, wiping her face off. Connor watched her go, chewing absently on his lower lip. Rocco clapped a hand on his shoulder, shaking him from his catatonic stare. The two men walked back inside, leaving their cigarette butts burned into the sidewalk.


	7. Revelation: Part II

Felicity swore under her breath and dropped the plate into the sink for the sixth time. She left it there beneath the layer of soap that skimmed over the water. She ran the faucet to rinse the bubbles from her hands and wrists and dried them off on her pant leg. Her body shook like it was cold, but she'd been doing it all day ever since walking into Rocco's apartment at seven in the morning. It had been a long morning spent crying in the shower, but Felicity had managed to crawl out and get herself standing-wobbly, but standing.

The record player she'd salvaged played repetitively behind her, filling the normally silent air with beautiful music. She couldn't get herself to dance to Vivaldi today, but it was nice that she wasn't left to the mercy of the silence. Sighing, she pushed a mop across the same kitchen floor that had already been cleaned twice in the past few hours. It was a miracle that she'd managed to clean it up so well, as though nobody had ever stepped foot into the apartment before. Felicity was startled by a knock on the door and looked up at it as though she could see through the heavy wood to see who was standing on the other side.

She leaned the mop against the wall and wove around the kitchen table to the door. Her brows raised upon finding a very cold, wrapped up Connor smiling sadly at her. She let him in and looked around outside for a moment, half-expecting to see Murphy or even Rocco behind him, but he was alone. She closed and locked the door and turned to her guest. He was taking off his shoes, unlacing them with red, brittle fingers. They landed with a soft thud on the mat and he slid his jacket over his shoulders. His eyes fell on hers when he straightened up.

"Thought I'd see how ye were." He breathed. His cheeks were rosy from the absolute cold and Felicity nodded, looking down at the floor as she sat down on the couch. He sat next to her, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "'m sorry. I know ye don't understand-"

"I don't want to understand." She interrupted, finally locking her eyes on his. He swallowed his words and stared back at her. "I don't need to. It's not my place." Felicity blinked away tears and pulled her feet under her body. "I'm just afraid."

Connor nodded and stood up slowly. He walked into her kitchen, half limping from his wound, and observed the cleanliness of it. He smirked, knowing that she must have spent the whole day doing nothing else. That was the way the woman worked- when she was angry, sad, frustrated, pained, she would spend a day or two doing nothing but cleaning. It was her distraction; everyone needed something. Connor would chain smoke, Murphy went for walks.

He opened her cupboard and withdrew two coffee cups. Felicity watched him from the couch, studying the way he moved. Everything he did was so much like Murphy and so different all at once. They both used their right hand to open the door and their left to grab the cups; they both used their index and middle finger to check the temperature of the water coming out of the spout. Murphy ripped the corner of the package of hot chocolate; Connor ripped it all the way across.

He handed her a cup and she took it with a small nod before he sat back down by her. She sipped at the warm liquid, feeling it run down her throat and heat up her mouth. Connor drank his in silence beside her and she looked down into her cup, watching the small ripples of chocolate move about.

"You shouldn't be here." She said finally, sitting the cup on the coffee table in front of her. Connor did the same, leaning forward again. He seemed to be thinking, tapping his index fingers together. "We shouldn't be alone. Murphy will -"

"Murph sent me." He looked over at her and she shut up, her mouth falling into a hard line. "It's fine." He gave her a reassuring nod and sat back, putting one arm over the back of the couch behind Felicity's head.

"I went to see Ben," She started. Connor looked at her, listening intently. "He told me that being with Murphy won't be easy." She snorted lightly and Connor smirked next to her. "As if I didn't know that before. I went there because I didn't know if I should be marrying him." She breathed a shaky sigh, weary of Connor's silence. "I thought I could handle all of this." Felicity couldn't stop her eyes from landing on the place on Connor's leg that she knew he'd been shot. She fell silent, not knowing what else to say. Connor turned more towards her and she tore her eyes away from the wound and let them fall back on his.

"Tell ye from personal experience, he ain't easy." He smirked at her, but it died away at the look on her face. "We don' expect ye to be happy with what we do or how we do it. Don' expect nothin' from ye, never have- 'cept maybe te feed us once in a while." Felicity smiled at that.

"I still… Feel horrible. What we did-"

"Is in the past." Connor leaned towards her, putting his finger on the end of her nose and silencing her. "Murph can't let it go if we don'." Felicity swallowed hard and had no argument for that.

"He trusted us." She murmured silently. Connor looked away from her and sipped from his cup. She watched the way his jaw moved, his Adam's apple bobbing, and suddenly felt very sick to her stomach.

"Murph sent me," He repeated in a low voice. Felicity didn't like the sound of it echoing against her brain. She swallowed hard and felt his hand grip her shoulder. "He thinks ye need ta wait." He said finally, licking his lips. His eyes were searching hers and she tried to process what he'd said. She nodded slowly, not looking away from his eyes that so carefully matched his brother's.

"Okay." She surprised herself at how calm the word was, how eerily soft and gentle it was. Connor offered her a hug, which she accepted. He sat back and watched her carefully and she took their cups to the sink. She set them carefully into it and watched the soapy waves as they were disrupted.

Felicity paused in the doorway of the kitchen as tears finally hit her. She gripped the edge of the table and heard Connor leap from his seat and stride over to her. Her body went limp and he wrapped her tightly and half-walked, half-carried her back to the couch. She leaned against him, listening to the pounding heart in his chest; it sounded exactly like Murphy's. But it wasn't. They were two different people, so the same and so different in all that they were. She closed her eyes, unmoving as tears slid between her lashes and soaked through Connor's sweater. He kept one hand on the side of her head, holding it against his chest as she cried. Felicity could hear him trying to soothe her, but the sound was muffled by the heart hammering in her ears and she couldn't tell if it was Connor's or her own.

She started laughing very suddenly, completely throwing Connor off guard. She sat up away from him and his brows knit together. Her laughter was dry and forced, but the tears had crested in her eyes.

"He sent you," She shook her head as her laughter ceased. "To break up with me _for him."_

Connor shook his head and she tilted hers in response. "Tha' what you thought he meant? No!" His body relaxed and he situated himself to sit upright next to her, his arm over the back of the couch once more. "He jus' meant he thinks ye need ta wait to marry 'im. He doesn't want ye to lose a husband if somethin'…" He trailed off, but the unspoken words still hung in the air. _If something happens to him._

Felicity sighed in relief, running her hand through the tangles of hair on her shoulders. She looked back at Connor with a small smile, which he returned with a wide grin. "Thank you." She spoke softly. Connor waved her off and stood up, making his way towards his boots. He slid them on and Felicity stood to walk him outside.

"Ye'll be hearin' from us soon. _Both _of us." He pointed at her as she opened the door. He stepped outside and stopped as a hand wrapped around his upper arm. Connor turned towards her and waited. She was biting her lip in thought.

"I didn't mean to set everyone off today."

Connor shrugged. "Ye were worried. Happens to the best of us."

Felicity nodded. "Tell Murphy-"

"Ye love 'im. Got it." He grinned. Felicity smiled too and leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on Connor's cheek. He smiled back at her and made his way down the hall. Felicity watched him disappear out the door and into the streets before closing her apartment door. Smiling, Felicity picked up the mop and resumed cleaning the floor- this time, dancing to the soft music from her record player.


End file.
